And as a rebutal to the wizened asswipe.........

FUN CAUSES CANCER, SAY DOCS

A LIFE of po-faced self-denial and thinking that animals are people can reduce the risk of cancer, doctors have claimed.

Research shows a point blank refusal to give in to your base instincts and just kill a pig can add anything up to four cabbage filled years to your self-satisfied existence.

The latest study comes as the British Medical Association grouped tumours of the bowel, liver and lung into a new category known as the 'fun cancers'.

A BMA spokesman said: "Anyone who gets the hat-trick has been living life like George Best in an all-you-can-eat steak-brothel, strapped to a crack pipe."

Research showed that exciting [censored], fast cars and watching films with explosions can also curtail life expectancy.

The spokesman added: "Anything more thrilling than Songs Of Praise will sprout tumours like mould on a week-old loaf."

But Professor Henry Brubaker, of the Institute for Studies, said: "The most common carcinogen is one that is known in the scientific community as 'being alive'.

"Personally I simply do not understand how some people can go through life without doing shots off a hooker's [censored] that's been smeared in lamb fat. It's just so odd."

He added: "Feeling death's icy fingers caress your neck, all alone, seeing your friends die younger and happier as you nibble on a radish...

Jul. 03, 2009 (20:03)

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